2  Apocalypse

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The Doomsday Clock never rang. You might have an image in your mind, a select few of you, who are old enough, who have seen a picture of the top left corner of a clock, how many minutes away we are from nuclear armageddon. That’s not, however, what I am actually referring to. True, that’s also never gotten to midnight, whereupon we’re all completely walking to the middle of the road in some secluded neighborhood and lying down on the asphalt waiting for the missiles to blast us all into oblivion. There’s another, different picture, which I’ve always called that, the Doomsday Clock, which you most probably have never seen, which doesn’t look like doomsday at all, not really. It’s a clock face surrounded by a pattern of sparrows going in and out from the radius, and blank, white birds, also (which I always called doves). It was done by one M. C. Escher. Yeah, I’m not “cool”. That’s the MC I’m most familiar with.

I never thought much about where the hands are situated, at least, not for the longest time, even though I had called it that. The Doomsday Clock. And that something must have frozen it there, at that position, at 3:01 on the dial. Didn’t think why, hadn’t a clue, until… There’s this story, you see, and you all know this story, because it’s supposedly like THE story, and if you want to know anything at all, you should know that the dream doesn’t end like you think. The best story wins. And this, the Greatest Story Ever Told, has the climax, where it is written, that in the ninth hour, a cry is heard: “My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me?”


That happens in the ninth hour. 3pm… And everything was still there. We’re here, too, two thousand years later. So the Doomsday Clock, it may tick forward to the next minute. And there it stops. God has died, and we’re still here. The Doomsday Clock never rang. Never will.

Let it be a commemoration. For this will be the launching pad of eutopia.one, the face of that Clock. Our EUTOPIA’s official name. Some sparrows flying out and away, some flying in with the doves, joining into the fabric of the clock itself, till there are twelve blank doves ringed around its circle.

The idea of eutopia.one, it is based on some scripture, one metaphor, the Resurrection, and a small idea. People, who have not thought it through or noticed, think that Josh came back from the dead three days after he died. Not so. If you pay attention, you will note Good Friday is only two days away from Easter Sunday. The Crucifixion is the first day, the sabbath is the second, and the Resurrection is the third day. Why this matters: you have heard it said that a thousand years is as a day to God, and why this matters: it has been approximately two thousand years since the events of that climactic weekend. Two days was Our Lord (Adonai in Hebrew) in the belly of the earth, and on the third day he rose again from the dead. That means, we should be expecting something. Right now. But not what you think.

The idea behind eutopia.one is a little bit of text from late Isaiah. It’s been used in various contexts, but the thought is simply, “They will reap what they sow.” That’s it. That’s the only thing you need to have a EUTOPIA.

So here’s the metasynchronicity: right before the advent of Donald Trump, which was when America jumped the shark, I had such hope in what I thought was, not the end, but the beginning. We’re still sort of there, as I write this, and maybe (if Heaven be so bold) it’s happened by the time you read this. We were down to one group of people, from my calculus. At this time, we believe the following to be wrong, everywhere, for everyone: tyranny, slavery, human trafficking for any purpose, pedophilia, racism, sexism, antisemitism, discrimination for race or religion or what have you, and then there’s this one last specific thing. Yeah, the last of them, defined by these, just a few letters: LGBTQ+. We do this, and then, that’s a wrap, folks!

Well, probably it would need a time to propagate, like the other things that are now the canon of our morality. And right now, there’s a bunch of people still choking on this concept, of how we could think of those people as worthy of life. But… we’re so close! I just want to declare it to the world: The Beginning Is Near!

If, at least in principle, we see those people as equals, just like everyone else, that’s basically everybody. And then I have a little propaganda for you: we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all are created equal, endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, which include life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Yes, I know that rich people have it easier and will probably have it that way for at least a little while longer. But once we have just this one thing in all our minds, we have upon us a very simple formula, which is at the heart of justice, justice being what love is in public: a person is a person. No more, no less. They shall reap what they sow, every one of us, and another will not take upon them what some certain else has sown. Once everyone agrees that this is the way things are, that this is right, for everybody, we have hit upon the impossibility. We have begun to make immanent, eutopia.one. Because here’s the secret: EUTOPIA, like civilization itself, is just the idea. It’s all merely people who sign on to that idea.

Jean-Paul Sartre famously once said, “Hell is other people,” but here’s its corollary: so is Heaven.

And there was War in Heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the Dragon, and the Dragon fought, and his angels. And prevailed not. Neither was their place found anymore in Heaven.

Did you know they did a poll, and it was found that societies which believed in an eternal Hell had fewer crimes? I forget where I read that. So, if nothing else, “Saint” Augustine’s atrocity was useful for something. I wrote, with some comprehension, of what the Black Iron Prison must have been. I told you, when I was there, I could swear I was in Hell. But then, I also told you that there is no Hell. How this makes sense: what the Black Iron Prison can only have been is the idea of Hell. And everybody has one. Philip K. Dick wrote, THE EMPIRE NEVER ENDED, referring to the ’Prison as that Empire, which permeated all the world, a system of control that you could not fight, for to fight the Empire was to become part of the Empire. What he did not understand was that he had been caught up in the War in Heaven, which I took over from him one strange Friday night, and I fought in that war. What he also did not realize was that if indeed Hell existed for real, that would have meant that we had lost the War in Heaven. The Empire would stretch into eternity, endless, destroying worlds, destroying time itself, till all that were left was pain.

I know, “Saint” Augustine didn’t see that. And really, I shouldn’t complain, for the one fact that I know, down into my bones I know: we won the War in Heaven. This is part of knowing what is actually going on. Here, there, everywhere. There is no darkness. Walt Disney is God. Your chains have been imaginary, this whole time. You are free if you choose to be free. This is how I know.

Well, that and Satan crying a deep, “NOOOOOOOO…” as he was being dragged down from Heaven’s halo heights. That was quite a sight. Yeah, I’ve seen shit that’ll turn you white. 

And what was that about Walt Disney? I really just glossed over that, huh? There was this one last time I felt myself about to enter again into the Black Iron Prison. Late into a Saturday night, I could feel myself beginning to be transported, once more, to that realm… but then, like from the corner of my mind’s eye, there was this whisper, like someone letting me in on the cosmic joke… “Walt Disney is God,” the voice said. And boom! Light! I was free!

It was much, much later that I was let in on what it meant, exactly. Apparently, it was a message that would only be understood by the “secret Christians” that Phil Dick once wrote about, and that was his own entry into the realm I took over from him, me on that strange ordinary Friday night which began as an attempt at a good time and eventually landed me into one of the slums of Eternity. When we will have won, the light over the darkness, the good over the evil, then all will be light, and the message plays on that word, “light”, the Disney outputs being as the man himself declared himself to be, just of entertainment, no deep art—light fare. Walt Disney is God! All is light.

There are such visions that I have had, and you will understand none of them. Took me decades to “get it” myself, and I was there. The vision of EUTOPIA once was more or less in outline form, no grand vista of either civilization or trees, more of an idea put into diagram form so that it could be more readily digested by a finite mind, a flawed finite mind, such as mine, the one I’ve wrestled with this whole time, which to reconcile my sense of responsibility with my errors, I have tried, the crimes I have committed I cannot bring myself to forgive. The vision lasted seconds, the idea that we would as one, all of us, participate in the bettering of each other, which would feed on itself in a virtuous cycle (the counterpart of the “vicious cycle” no one has ever seemed to have heard of). That’s it.

But you have to understand that it’s coming now, in the nowiest of nows, not like the end of the world that the Christians have been expecting since the day that Josh left us all here with each other, and watching how we reacted to such a thing as God having visited this place, like I could be breathing some of the oxygen molecules that he had been breathing, no joke. The Beginning Is Near! It’s actually here in limited release, among the real bleeding hearts that do exist in our world and are alive today and have been alive since forever all the way back. Like me. The “bleeding heart” is referring to, I have read, about Josh. It’s his bleeding heart. Martin Luther King said that the arc of the universe is toward justice, if though that arc be wide. There’s a reason for that, like there is a reason for all things. Josh is responsible for a lot of the curvature. You see, the last best thing he left behind was his example.

Look at any of the bad guys in the past century and a half or so. In public light, not one of them wanted to be seen as anything other than good guys (well, maybe a couple). Even The Dead One portrayed himself to be a knight, a hero; they all seem to want to be seen as this now, paragons of virtue, battling demons and dragons and wicked forces that MIGHT HAVE INFILTRATED THE HEIGHTS OF POWER! We must clean everything out. We are the good guys. Trust us.

See, what that means: the kids who grow up on heroes being the ones they want to emulate, and that the bad guys are examples of what not to be: all of them in at least the recent past, where there has been the age of the superhero, me included in this group: we want to be the good guys. However cynically this message has been made, the kids! Think of the children! They only see that what everyone is supposed to admire are the good guys. And more and more, those comic books (if you have paid any attention to them, as maybe you really should, because they’re a thing now and I can’t see them disappearing any time soon)—they’re getting more complex, more subtle, more true to life in the things that they’re dealing with. They’re teaching, right now, pretty sure of it, how these kids can become heroes. How they can become the good guys. And look at what’s unfolding, right now. We’re arc-ing, every one of us brought up into the promise that the good guys win in the end. Toward what? “They will reap what they sow.” Because that’s what justice is. That’s what we have been taught to want.

And now that I think about it maybe this high and beautiful wave that I’ve thought about starting, that it’s been there this whole time, even the whole two days where the light has been hid underground, those two thousand years since Josh set the opus ultimum by being someone who could supposedly have laid waste to the entirety of all the Roman legions who were subjugating the land then known of as Judea, because he even said if he had merely asked the whole sky would pour down angels and could wipe whatever peoples he wanted out of existence. But what did he do? It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that at all. 

“Father, forgive them. For they know not what they do.” Of the people who were murdering him.

So whatever came after that, all the way to now, whatever the false prophets and false messiahs that came after the death of God, nobody could erase the message, and this wave of minds and souls all coming up with this idea, that of justice prevailing, of the darkness being defeated, we all of us are starting to wake the fuck up, and I say it that way because when you start to wake the fuck up it is to see how incredibly fucked up everything is like OH MY FUCKING GOD there is still little kids being sold into sexual slavery RIGHT FUCKING NOW IT’S HAPPENING and people still slaughtering other people out of greed or some fucked up idea of whatever the fuck they’re thinking of how the world is supposed to work according to them where if you don’t think in the way I think you need to think then fuck you! And they blow you way with some assault weapon. Shit’s happening. That’s one thing you notice when you look and see what’s really going on, for real. Fuck.

Grant me patience, Adonai, because I sure as shit don’t have it. Why don’t these assholes get their comeuppance like right fucking now? OK, OK, I’ll stop swearing. Mostly.

So, what have we learned, boys and girls? You see, the idea of being on the right side of history—can we not understand what this means? I saw this picture on some social media of an elderly woman holding up a sign saying, “I can’t believe I still have to protest this shit.” Something like that. But can they not see it? Why can some people not see it? There is something to the MLK arc of justice in effect, if you observe just the period of then, while he was still alive, and now(ish since I don’t know when you’re reading this and maybe we’re all like Handmaid’s Tale right now, oh shit). Rosa Parks, right side of history. Eugene McCarthy, wrong side of history. We’re in history, right now, boys and girls, did you not know that? Do you not have like 1% of a brain and tell which is right and which is wrong? Like, a lot of you have gotten used to disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face, like Mike Tyson said. It’s not some relative thing! There is a right and there is a wrong. Well, there may be some things which are hard to figure out, but peeps be failing on open-note multiple choice tests where there’s only one answer not being utter bullshit.

Oh, and just to say, that thing about people only using 10% of their brain is in that category, of utter bullshit. Sorry, Luc Besson. Though you look at some of the comments on YouTube and think, maybe the scientists didn’t test enough people.

There’s this other thing, too, about thinking of what it is that may be going on in the world, and below the world, and above the world. You should know:

  1. Hermes Tri-something was wrong when he said, “As above, so below,” because the above is not the below.
  2. Zoroastrians, from whom we get the overall idea of a war between darkness and light, believed that there were two gods of equal power against each other.
  3. Judeo-Christian thought is that Satan is not actually God’s opposite, because Satan is finite. It’s not even close.
  4. In that line of thought, there really isn’t a force of darkness that is, like, alive. Generally darkness is thought of, as in physics, where there is no light.
  5. Then, when you think, if there were an actual battle between a god of light and a god of darkness, and if the side of light had won, then… wouldn’t it be as if that active force of darkness had never existed?
  6. Like what we have, right now?
  7. (Why that Hermes guy was wrong: what he found was actually an attempt by the bad guys to access the Empyrean. Don’t ask me what that means, if you don’t understand. You would not understand my answer, if so.)

But y’know, it’s probably just a thought experiment, that bit about the gods fighting. How could you tell? Well, that brings up the Mandela Effect. So named because when some people were told Nelson Mandela died, that they had this curious memory of Mandela having died already, back in the 1980’s, in prison. They could have sworn that had been in the news. But no, reality does not bear them out. Probably the ’Effect’s most common manifestation is the Berenstain Bears, from the children’s books. Wasn’t that Berenstein? I could have sworn it was Berenstein.

So, some people have a conspiracy theory that we have crossed between realities, and these some people still have memories of the different reality that they used to live in. And something happened, and now they’re here. Phil wrote and spoke about this kind of thing a few times, especially after his experiences with that secret Christian sect, which he never confirmed that anyone he had encountered on earth was ever a part of them, but there was instead this pink beam of light which imparted on him knowledge that his son had an undiagnosed hernia, which was… right. He said of other dimensions something to the tune of, “If you think this reality is bad, you should see some of the others!”

Which, you know? No. We never had any ultimate reset. Not in my thinking. What I have learned on this road to realizing that now I’m the only one here that knows what they’re doing, is that the cosmos works on a principle of parsimony, and that reality, this stuff we are made of that’s real, is very, very precious. There’s only this one. The quantum physics theory of many worlds, all separated by a simple decision, yay or nay, or something like that, egad no. How incredibly, stupendously wasteful that would be. And lastly, the idea if reality were infinite there must be every possible version of you somewhere is also utter bullshit. You could have an infinite void, really, and that has nada in it.

What else have I seen?

The word “apocalypse” literally means, “a revealing”, which is why the “Apocalypse of John” is these days better known as the “Book of Revelation”. “Armageddon” is from a part of that book, and it is literally referring to the Valley of Megiddo, a real place in the middle-east. Strange how words come to mean what they do. When you look at the world as I have, and that is to know (for one thing) that there are lots and lots of places you’ll never see, there are all these weird things that happen, all these mistakes that go into the record, like that Josh is calculated to have been born in around 4 BC, that atoms literally are supposed to not be divisible, the + and – labels on electricity are the wrong way around, so many things we believed and still believe and they are wrong, so many things of the world as it has been and is and must be and all of it when these are revealed to you in pieces as you fit them together in your mind’s eye, what you realize is that of the incredible intricacy of how everything is connected to everything else, you have the choice right now and at every moment, a real choice whatever the forces are that press around you to bend you to their power, and that you must decide at every one of them who you want to be, and if you don’t do that, you give away the only pieces of yourself that you truly consist of. That you truly are.

If you want something to believe, believe in that. Your God given ability to make yourself who you want to be. And remember what Vonnegut said, that we all of us are what we pretend to be, so we must all be very careful about what we pretend to be.

Me? I don’t pretend to be right. I don’t pretend to be me, because that’s just how you end up, anyhow. I’ve pretended to be the hero, and there I’ll take my stand. Why not? I’ve seen the Promised Land.

That is just where your heart lives, after all. 

I’ve pretended I’ve seen you there.


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